Easter Renewal

So it's been about 3 years since I last updated my blog post, but events of the last week have lead me here to write once again. The last three years have kept me quite busy with residency, but on to why I'm writing now. 

This weekend, we celebrated Easter. Now for some that may not be a big deal, but for me this Easter was different than any other Easter I've celebrated. Traditionally, my family has celebrated Easter with dying Easter Eggs, a big lunch, and most importantly celebrating the death and Resurrection of our Lord Jesus. It's a weekend filled with time with our friends and family. I've always loved Easter and to remember the love that my Savior had for me by participating in various activities with my family and church. But this Easter was different. I experienced renewal and new understanding of the Hope that Easter brings. 

About 6 weeks ago, Jarrod and I found out I was pregnant. We were filled with joy, excitement, and anticipation as we began to prepare for this new journey ahead of us. We immediately began to thank God for this blessing that He gave us and began to pray over this child that the Lord would have his way in this child's life. 3 weeks ago Jarrod and I attended my first prenatal appointment, anxious to see our first glimpse of this child. Immediately I knew something wasn't right, my doctor brain was getting the best of me. I anticipated I was about 8 weeks pregnant at this point and there was no heartbeat. The doctor assured us that everything was okay and that the ultrasound dating placed the baby at 6 weeks. So we began to pray. We prayed Psalm 139 over our baby:

 For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16. 

Last week we attended another appointment and found out that I had a miscarriage. We were heartbroken and in shock. As a doctor I knew the statistics that 1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage and that 50% of miscarriages were due to a genetic abnormality incompatible with life. This information brought some comfort, but did not take away the hurt I felt inside. The last 6 days have been the some of the hardest I've ever experienced and the hardest Jarrod and I have experienced together as a married couple. As I began to process what had happened I remembered that it was Holy Week. I turned my focus to the cross and was comforted that we have victory over death through Jesus Christ. The bible says that death has lost its victory and that death has lost its sting when speaking of Christ's death and Resurrection. Jarrod and I are comforted by knowing that this precious gift of God now rests in the arms of God. That one day we will meet this precious child, because we have victory over death through Jesus. I'm not saying that this is an easy road we travel or that God promises us the good and easy road. In fact, He promises just the opposite. Jesus told his disciples that "in this world you will have trouble, but take heart because I have overcome the world".  As we walk through these sad days, we grieve and mourn, but we also rejoice because we know the end of the story. We know that Christ overcame death and we have victory in Him. This victory awaits us in heaven when we will be given eternal life. I know that I do not walk this alone, but my God walks through this time of sadness with Jarrod and me. We take comfort because we serve a Living God. 

This weekend I saw Easter in a different way than I had ever seen it before. I was able to renew my relationship with Christ as I gained a new appreciation for the sacrifice Christ made and what it truly means to have Victory over death and the grave. It was comforting in a way that I will probably never be able to explain. I am reminded of what a merciful God we serve. As a physician I know that at least 50% of miscarriages that happen this early are because of a genetic defect that the baby has that is incompatible with life. To me our God is merciful because in His design He would allow for a miscarriage to prevent greater suffering and pain later in life for a child and their parents who may have to live with such a condition. You see He didn't completely keep Jarrod and me from suffering, but I would like to think that He may have spared us from even greater suffering. The bible says that we will suffer and face trials of various kinds, but these trials are meant to draw us closer to God, to help us, and to allow God to finish His good work in our lives. 

While Jarrod and I begin to grieve and walk through difficult days ahead of us I am reminded of God's grace and love shown to us on the cross and the victory given 3 days later. For those that have been praying for us, please continue to pray as Jarrod and I begin to walk this road and heal. To those who are reading this and do not know Christ, I encourage you to accept Jesus as your Savior so you too can have Victory over death. 

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:54-57