Easter Renewal

So it's been about 3 years since I last updated my blog post, but events of the last week have lead me here to write once again. The last three years have kept me quite busy with residency, but on to why I'm writing now. 

This weekend, we celebrated Easter. Now for some that may not be a big deal, but for me this Easter was different than any other Easter I've celebrated. Traditionally, my family has celebrated Easter with dying Easter Eggs, a big lunch, and most importantly celebrating the death and Resurrection of our Lord Jesus. It's a weekend filled with time with our friends and family. I've always loved Easter and to remember the love that my Savior had for me by participating in various activities with my family and church. But this Easter was different. I experienced renewal and new understanding of the Hope that Easter brings. 

About 6 weeks ago, Jarrod and I found out I was pregnant. We were filled with joy, excitement, and anticipation as we began to prepare for this new journey ahead of us. We immediately began to thank God for this blessing that He gave us and began to pray over this child that the Lord would have his way in this child's life. 3 weeks ago Jarrod and I attended my first prenatal appointment, anxious to see our first glimpse of this child. Immediately I knew something wasn't right, my doctor brain was getting the best of me. I anticipated I was about 8 weeks pregnant at this point and there was no heartbeat. The doctor assured us that everything was okay and that the ultrasound dating placed the baby at 6 weeks. So we began to pray. We prayed Psalm 139 over our baby:

 For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16. 

Last week we attended another appointment and found out that I had a miscarriage. We were heartbroken and in shock. As a doctor I knew the statistics that 1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage and that 50% of miscarriages were due to a genetic abnormality incompatible with life. This information brought some comfort, but did not take away the hurt I felt inside. The last 6 days have been the some of the hardest I've ever experienced and the hardest Jarrod and I have experienced together as a married couple. As I began to process what had happened I remembered that it was Holy Week. I turned my focus to the cross and was comforted that we have victory over death through Jesus Christ. The bible says that death has lost its victory and that death has lost its sting when speaking of Christ's death and Resurrection. Jarrod and I are comforted by knowing that this precious gift of God now rests in the arms of God. That one day we will meet this precious child, because we have victory over death through Jesus. I'm not saying that this is an easy road we travel or that God promises us the good and easy road. In fact, He promises just the opposite. Jesus told his disciples that "in this world you will have trouble, but take heart because I have overcome the world".  As we walk through these sad days, we grieve and mourn, but we also rejoice because we know the end of the story. We know that Christ overcame death and we have victory in Him. This victory awaits us in heaven when we will be given eternal life. I know that I do not walk this alone, but my God walks through this time of sadness with Jarrod and me. We take comfort because we serve a Living God. 

This weekend I saw Easter in a different way than I had ever seen it before. I was able to renew my relationship with Christ as I gained a new appreciation for the sacrifice Christ made and what it truly means to have Victory over death and the grave. It was comforting in a way that I will probably never be able to explain. I am reminded of what a merciful God we serve. As a physician I know that at least 50% of miscarriages that happen this early are because of a genetic defect that the baby has that is incompatible with life. To me our God is merciful because in His design He would allow for a miscarriage to prevent greater suffering and pain later in life for a child and their parents who may have to live with such a condition. You see He didn't completely keep Jarrod and me from suffering, but I would like to think that He may have spared us from even greater suffering. The bible says that we will suffer and face trials of various kinds, but these trials are meant to draw us closer to God, to help us, and to allow God to finish His good work in our lives. 

While Jarrod and I begin to grieve and walk through difficult days ahead of us I am reminded of God's grace and love shown to us on the cross and the victory given 3 days later. For those that have been praying for us, please continue to pray as Jarrod and I begin to walk this road and heal. To those who are reading this and do not know Christ, I encourage you to accept Jesus as your Savior so you too can have Victory over death. 

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:54-57

Roots

At the beginning of May I bought two hydrangeas to add to my flower bed. May was a busy month with a vacation, med school graduation, and a trip to Georgia, so my hydrangeas didn't get planted. I continued to water these plants in there pots but struggled with the time to get them planted in the ground. One of the plants looked like it was not going to make it, in fact in kind of looked rough from the time I got it, but I continued to water it and I finally decided it just wasn't going to make it. When it came time to plant the plants I had gotten I choose not to plant this hydrangea and just get rid of it because after all it was not good. Well my mom convinced me that I should plant it. Earlier this week I was admiring my hydrangeas and what do you know that one that was no good, was now the prettiest one in the flower bed. In reality there was nothing wrong with the plant it just needed room to grow.

You see our lives are a lot like this flower. There may be times when someone thought you weren't worth the work or maybe you thought someone wasn't worth the work that they may never amount to anything. In reality at some point we all look like this poor hydrangea did, our sin can overcome us, and our weakness can define us, but we just need someone to believe in us and replant us to we have room to grow. That is what God does with us, He sees the value in our weakness and failures but chooses to replant us so we can develop roots and grow into a beautiful masterpiece. The transplanting process from the pot to the ground is not always easy, but the result is worth the work. God desires for us to be rooted in Him, so we can overcome our fears, weakness, and failures and become strong men and women who proclaim is love to those around us. 

I recently started my residency in psychiatry, over the past two weeks I feel like I have been removed from my comfortable flower pot and put into the big flower bed. This change has been overwhelming at times. I am addressed as Doctor Kauble and asked for orders but at times I feel inadequate. I am making decisions for my patients and making recommendations for the health. It is a very humbling experience to have this new role and be trusted with the health of others.  Residency will be a time of molding me, I will be forced to answer questions and make decisions but I will also have those who will guide me in this process. I also know that the Lord will guide me through this time in the same way He did in medical school. I look at my new journey into residency much in the way that God molds our lives. Sometimes he uproots us from our comfortable flower pots and transplants us into big flower beds so we can develop strong roots that will last. We have to go through this process to fulfill God's call in our lives. 

Praying that you will be rooted in God's grace and love for your lives. 

"For this reason I kneel before the Father,  from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God"

Ephesians 3:14-19

A Legacy

My grandfather, Jerry Coleman Jarriel Sr was born on December 28, 1920 to Troy and Bessie Jarriel. My grandfather was the oldest child and the only boy. He grew up on the land where he would eventually retire. My grandparents would eventually build a house down the dirt road from the house he grew up in. Growing up, I remember my grandfather telling us stories about his years growing up on the farm. It was such a unique experience because we would drive around and he would point out places and then tell us a story. One Christmas, my grandfather had my brother, my cousin Gary, and I get in the car and told us where to drive. He had us park on the edge of the road and walk through the woods a bit. We came up to this wooden building, with great excitement my grandfather said look inside. So we did and and it was an outhouse!! My grandfather went on to explain how this had been the outhouse for the one room schoolhouse up the road. This one was the girls. Just up the road was the school where my granddaddy went growing up. He drove the school bus and in return for driving he didn't have to pay to ride it. I loved getting to spend these precious moments with him and hear these stories.



When World War Two started, my grandfather joined the Navy. He would serve in a recruiting office in Charleston until late 1944, when he made his way to the Pacific to meet his ship. Part of my grandfather's job was to make travel arrangements for soldiers traveling to war. When his recruiting office was shut down he made his own travel arrangements. He arranged to spend some time in Washington DC and various other stops throughout the country. He was very proud of himself and how he managed to see the country on his way to California. He would serve in the dispatch room, abroad the USS Anthony, a destroyer. His job was to record all the major events of every battle. He had a radio that communicated directly with the command deck. One of my favorite things to do was listen to my granddaddy tell stories about his time at sea. He keep a incredible journal and we still have copies of it today. He told us stories about the sinking of the Bismark and how kamakize fighters would fly over his ship. He was able to tell about most major battles of the Pacific in 1945. He also spent time in Japan and as children, we enjoyed looking through all his memorabilia from his time there.

In 1950, my grandfather meet a beautiful young lady by the name of Mary Flake. He really liked this young woman. They were introduced by two mutual friends. These friends would accompany him to ask this Mary's dad for permission to marry her. On September 16, 1950 my grandfather married my grandmother. The two were married for 56 years. I loved spending time with them. My grandma, much like granddaddy, always loved to share stories with us. As grandchildren we loved spending time with them.

My grandparents leave behind a legacy for me. Leaving behind a legacy is probably the best gift that they could ever give me. My grandfather's legacy for me starts with his mother, Bessie. My middle name is Elizabeth, after this woman. My mom said that her faith always inspired her. During WW2, German prisoners of war were brought to my great-grandparents farm to help them. Many times my grandma Bessie would cook a big meal for them and invite them to eat at her kitchen table. The guards eventually told her that she had to stop letting them eat at her table. You see grandma Bessie was a "stout woman", a strong Christian lady and she did this out of her love for God. It was evident that she passed the values on to her son. From the time I could remember our dinner table at my grandparents was always blessed with prayer before every meal. My grandfather served as a deacon in his local church. He also married a woman much like his mother. Together my grandparents had servant hearts, much like my grandma Bessie. Together they served those around them. As the oldest male and female children in their respective families this began with their families. My memories of their service was mostly centered around the dinner table. For my grandmother there was always room at her table, much like there was always room around Grandma Bessie's table. My grandparents inspired me to live a life of love and service in the say that they modeled it to us grandchildren growing up. My grandfather's service in the Navy is partly what inspired me to join the guard and serve my country. Their willingness to open their homes to others in service has inspired me to do the same with those around me. Lastly their unwavering faith in God has shown me that God will provide. My grandfather placed God first in His life. He truly demonstrated Ephesians 5:25 by loving not only my grandmother as Christ loved us, but loving our family in much the same way. I remember when my grandmother was dying how sweetly he comforted her and let her know that we all would be okay. He is sure of his final home in heaven and ready to go when The Lord calls him home. He realizes that this world is not his home, but he is bound for Glory. He will sit at the feast of the lamb and walk on streets of Gold. In these last days his body has been riddled  with pain and he has been unable to walk.  I know from the moment he enters Heaven's gates he will no longer be in pain, he will be not only able not walk again but dance at the feet of Jesus. Lately he has struggled to breathe and I rejoice that soon he will breathe new life and sing praises to His Savior.

Yesterday, we received a phone call that my grandfather who had been placed in hospice was not doing well.  My mom was able to get on a flight and make it to Georgia to be with him. Tomorrow I will join my family there. I pray that I can make it time to share one last moment with him. In my sorrow I rejoice because he is going home.

Faithfully His: I fear no more

I recently finished reading the next chapter in the Resolution for Women book, by Pricilla Shirer. This resolution is about being Faithfully His. Pricilla challenges women to think about the difference between having faith and being faithful. She opened up the chapter talking about how Moses was faithful. This is detailed in Hebrews 3. It is refreshing to see that Moses is described as faithful. When we read Moses' story we see that he did not always appear faithful to God's calling in his life. Moses initially fought with God regarding his call to save the Israelites from Pharaoh's rule. Pricilla detailed how Moses had his up's and downs with following God and as an outsider looking in he does not necessarily appear as one who would be included in an example of  faithfulness. But she said that God knew his heart. Moses had set his heart on the promised land and desipite his pitfalls he remained faithful to God by leading his people until God told him to stop. Despite the fact that he was unable to enter the promised land he is honored by being recalled not only in Hebrews 3 but in Hebrew 11 for his faithfulness to God (Shirer 69-72).

As I think about what faithfulness means to me personally many things come to mind. I have always had faith, but at times have lacked faithfulness. You see there is a distinct difference between the two. In Hebrews 11:1 we read that faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". But that is where faithfulness begins. In fact it is a lot easier to have faith in something than to live a lifestyle of faithfulness. When I was in college I worried so much. I knew in my heart that God had called me to be a doctor and that He promises not to leave me or forsake me but I worried and I feared that it would not happen. I lacked confidence in Christ. My pastor in college challenged me to  Even as I graduated from college and was accepted to medical school the following year I still struggled with completely turning over things to God. I was comforted by reading Moses' story in this new perspective. I realized that I like Moses have struggled to be faithful. I have always had my mind set on becoming a doctor but I have struggled with trusting God to fulfill these promises to me. At church this past Sunday that pastor spoke about fear. I realized that I have lived a life in fear. I go between being completely faithful and relying on God to being fearful of the future. I also struggle with control. I want to be in control because it makes me less fearful. Last Sunday it finally hit home. When I am in control I am actually more fearful, but when I turn my life completely and totally over to God, I have no reason to fear. I have always admired those who say "I know God is in control I know God has my back I know that with God all things are possible". You see I have only grasped a hold of these promises at the surface level I have taken a hold of them in the fullest since that God has to offer. On Sunday I realized that my living this on and off relationship with Christ, of having faith but not being faithful, leads me to live a life of fear. I was challenged to no longer live in free but to live in faithfulness to the One who has called me, the One who has saved me, the One who loves me, and the One who stands with Me. I fully take hold of the promises offered in scripture. God goes  before us and behind us. With Him nothing can over take us or come against us. This doesn't mean that life is always easy and free from trails, in fact the bible also promises us that we will have trouble in this world, but it also says take heart because God has overcome the world. That being said as Christians we are promised that in all things we are conquers, we are overcomes, we have new life, we are new creations, and we do not have to fear.

For me to be Faithfully His, I fear to no more. I trust in the Lord's promises to me no matter what. I surrender complete control to my master. I don't take back pieces and try and figure out things on my own. I trust that the Lord knows where He intends for me to be for residency. I claim victory in Christ over graduating in May, passing boards, and getting the residency I want. I have long desired to live a life like this but always seem to fail. I know that I am human and still sinful by nature so there will still be moments where I fail in these things, but will not fear. I will discuss my anxieties with those I love and turn them over to God. I will faithfully spend time in His word. I will challenge and mentor those younger than me to become women that faithfully and fearlessly serve God. I challenge you to live a life that is faithfully His. What is keeping you from living faithfully? Are you living a life of fear? Control? Worry and Anxiety? Mistrust? or Have you never accepted Christ's love for you before and committed your life to Him? I challenge you to look at what is keeping you from living a faithful life to God and His plan for your life. If you've never accepted Christ as your savior I challenge you to do that. For more info please leave me a comment and I would be happy to share.

"I will live as a woman answerable to God and faithfully committed to His word"

"The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid, what can mortals do to me? 

Ps 118:6

 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,“Never will I leave you  never will I forsake you.”

So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.    What can mere mortals do to me?”

Hebrews 13:5-6

"no weapon forged against you will prevail,
    and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
    and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the Lord"

Isaiah 54:17

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

    He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

 

    he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

    for his name’s sake.

 

Even though I walk

    through the darkest valley,

I will fear no evil,

    for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

  in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me

    all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

    forever.

'

Psalms 23

"Being confident of this that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"

Philippians 1:6

Check out this New video From Chris Tomlin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzSYOoPkeFg

Recipes

Hello Everyone

I thought I would add a new section to my blog. A recipe section. I absolutely love cooking. My grandmother loved to cook and passed on this passion to her "girls" as she called us sometimes. My grandmother was a hostess. She loved to cook for others and wanted to be in the kitchen. In many ways this was her form of ministry. In my grandmother's last days she wanted to be in the kitchen. I remember my mom would have her come in and do basic things to make her happy. For probably for at least 65 years of her life my grandmother would serve family and friends around her kitchen table. I would like to believe that when my grandmother died she stepped through heaven's doorstep and into glory. The Father greeted her and said "well done my good and faithful servant". Family and friends that had gone before welcomed her home and at last she was seated at the feast of the King.

I would like to create a place to share recipes. I will share some of my own and some of my grandmothers. Please feel free to post yours as well. Please feel free to also share your cooking stories.

Sarah

Garlic Glazed Chicken

2 Cloves of garlic minced
1/8 of onion chopped
4 tbsp of brown sugar
1 stick of butter
2-3 Chicken Breast sliced into strips. Or 7-8 chicken strips

Place 1/2 stick of butter in pan, saute' garlic and onion. Then add brown sugar and let it melt. Then add the other 1/2 of butter if desired for more sauce. Then add chicken strips and cook until done.

Book Review: Tears to Joy by Natalie Flake

Good Morning

I wanted to write a quick post and recommend a book that I recently read. Tears to Joy: Finding Hope in the Presence of Bipolar Disorder and Suicide by Natalie Flake. This book details Natalie and her husband's struggle through bipolar disorder and how Natalie was able to discover new joy and hope through Michael's death. Natalie also encourages Christian's to gain a new understanding of mental illness. Since I am planning on beginning a psychiatry residency soon I find it a very valuable resource and encourage all of you to read it. 

This book is also special to me because Michael was my cousin. His death shocked all of us but over the years we have healed and this book brought even more healing into my life. I pray that you will pick up a copy of this book and be blessed by what Natalie has to share. 

Sarah

http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=978-1-62147-389-3

http://www.natalieflake.com

Authentically Made; Authentically Me

When I was a little girl, I had all these dreams of what my life would be like when I grew up. At the time I wanted to be a Meteorologist, despite my fear of thunderstorms. I would go to the University of Oklahoma where I would meet the man of my dreams and we would live happily ever after. Like many young girls and women I enjoyed watching "chick flicks". I thought that this is how life would be for everyone. As a teenager and even at times into to college I pictured this fairly tale lifestyle often depicted in movies. Well I ended up falling in love with medicine during high school and attending Oklahoma Baptist University and graduating with a degree in Biochemistry. Now I'm in my final year of medical school, dating an incredible man of God, and closer to my family than I have ever been. I can honestly say I would have it no other way. I am blessed beyond measure and I realize that God's plan and who he has made me is more important than what my plans for my life were. 

You see we all have had these visions and dreams of what our lives will be like when we "grow up." I recently finished reading the next section in the Resolution book. It is called Authentically Me: A resolution to value myself and celebrate others. In the first chapter of this section she described re-decorating a room. She said that her decorator brought in this one little item as inspiration to the room. She was afraid to choose it because she didn't want to base her entire room design on such a tiny item. You know many times we do the same thing in our lives. We base who were are on tiny things that may not have significance. Or as I described above we strive to be something we are not based on a movie or a book or some fairy tale we read as a child. I discovered that in addition to what I described in the beginning I choose to base who I am off of minor details of my life. For instance, I struggle with self confidence. I tend to be rather difficult on myself. If I get a bad grade or don't do as well as I would like or better than my fellow classmates I tend to think of the worst possible situation. Through these situations I find my self deciding that I must be a failure. This has lead me to be in relationships where I allow others to continue these feelings of being a failure. At times this has lead me to be a less confident individual who allows others to take advantage of her. But in over the last two years I have realized that God has created me. He is working on making me into a masterpiece. I am reminded by friends and family that  I am in fact a hard worker, that I am not a failure. I have learned to be confident in myself and present myself confidently to those I come in contact with. I realize that although there are several things that I struggle with, these things don't define me but make me who I am. By embracing my weakness I am able to recognize my strengths and use them to succeed in life. 1 Peter 2:9-10, reminds us of how God sees us. 

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy"

We are royalty in God's eyes. If God sees us this way then why do we allow our little imperfections to define us? 

We are not only seen as royalty to God but He knows everything about us. And He desires for us to see ourselves as the beautiful creation He has created us to be. We are daughter's of the King of Kings. God desires for us to embrace all the uniqueness that He has given us. He wants us to not base our lives on the little things, but on the big thing that He has adopted us as his daughter and with that comes all the rights and responsibilities of being His Child.

In addition to embracing who we are, we must also encourage and affirm the unique qualities of our sisters in Christ. I recently listened to a sermon online by Joe McGee. He was speaking on family. He spoke on how God has created men and women differently. He said that he created them each to serve different roles, so in a marriage the man and the woman compliment each other. The same is true with the body of Christ but on a much larger role. God has created us to be unique. Each of us have different qualities to bring to the body of Christ. We are all needed to minister to others and fulfill the mission of the Church. Women tend to pick on each other. We tend to point out those little details in our fellow sisters, you know those little blemishes. And as women when people do that we tend to make those blemishes into who we are. At the end of the section she challenged women to take the time to encourage their friends by telling them the qualities you admire. So I challenge you. Think of those women in your life who mean the most to you and give a call or a text to tell them what it is you admire in them. Can you imagine the difference that would be made? How would our relationships with other women in our churches and circles grow? How many could we bring to Christ if we were united in our uniqueness 

Resolution: 

"I will accept and celebrate my uniqueness and will esteem and encourage the distinctions I admire in others"

In closing I would like to end with Psalm 139 from the Message

 God, investigate my life;

    get all the facts firsthand.

I’m an open book to you;

    even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.

You know when I leave and when I get back;

    I’m never out of your sight.

You know everything I’m going to say

    before I start the first sentence.

I look behind me and you’re there,

    then up ahead and you’re there, too—

    your reassuring presence, coming and going.

This is too much, too wonderful—

    I can’t take it all in!

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit

    to be out of your sight?

If I climb to the sky, you’re there!

    If I go underground, you’re there!

If I flew on morning’s wings

    to the far western horizon,

You’d find me in a minute—

    you’re already there waiting!

Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!

    At night I’m immersed in the light!”

It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;

    night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

    you formed me in my mother’s womb.

I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!

    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

    I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out,

    you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

    before I’d even lived one day.

Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!

    God, I’ll never comprehend them!

I couldn’t even begin to count them—

    any more than I could count the sand of the sea.

Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!

    And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!

And you murderers—out of here!—

    all the men and women who belittle you, God,

    infatuated with cheap god-imitations.

See how I hate those who hate you, God,

    see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;

I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.

    Your enemies are my enemies!

Investigate my life, O God,

    find out everything about me;

Cross-examine and test me,

    get a clear picture of what I’m about;

See for yourself whether I’ve done anything